


A Fine Evening To Find Out More About How Alternia Fucked You Up

by Lhumyaki



Series: Mostly homestuck headcanons [1]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: (it was supposed to be a one shot i have no self control HELP), Angst, Background Relationships, Earth C (Homestuck), Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Genderfluid Roxy, Headcanon, Kinda, Non-Binary Eridan, Pale Romance | Moirallegiance, Post-Sburb/Sgrub, Two Shot, background rosemary - Freeform, but actually minimal? im surprised, death mention, earth c has its own system to calculate time, guess its easier with pale relationships, like i dont know myself how i suceed at writing fluff, like they talk about alternia so you know, should mention that the moirallegiance is not official yet but it's obvious, there's an oc but like it's a child who's mentioned
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-27
Updated: 2020-08-28
Packaged: 2021-03-06 23:27:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,161
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26147152
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lhumyaki/pseuds/Lhumyaki
Summary: At a party at Kanaya and Rose's hive, Eridan ends up watching after the kid, and figures out a new thing about themself. They're not happy with it.Luckily, Rox is always a good help to untangle the mess that they are, or just brings comfort.
Relationships: Eridan Ampora & Roxy Lalonde
Series: Mostly homestuck headcanons [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1898713
Kudos: 17





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> me: I have this very cool hc, I'll write a medium OS about it! *writes a two chapters story*
> 
> Anyway, I hope you'll like it!

There is something wrong with you.  
It's not the "Killed two of your friends and basically committed genocide by destroying the matriorb", or "Died and stayed for way too long mostly alone in the dream bubbles" kind of something wrong.  
Neither is it the "Desperately tried to get somebody in any quadrants despite almost never being interested" kind of something wrong.

It was the "Nobody ever realized this before, not even you" kind of something wrong.

Alright, some context here:

1) Every trolls of your session are back and alive again, hurray, thank you sgrub;

2) You all came back around one sweep (or "one cycle", as you're supposed to say now, which apparently is basically equal to two human years) after the actual winners of the game arrived;

3) Which means it was five cycles ago when you came back;

4) Kanaya and Rose got married two cycles ago;

5) They now have adopted a young troll.

Tonight, you were invited to a supper with all the other alternia trolls at the couple's hive. It started out relatively alright, but as often at these kind of events, you ended up feeling like not really wanted. Everyone here had at least one or two close friends to chat with, but not you. Kanaya was avoiding you like the plague, Karkat too though for different reasons, and, unsurprisingly, killing your ex doesn't make her want to talk with you a lot.

So, to not feel too lonely in a circle tolerating you as long as you stay quiet, you decided to go check on Kanaya and Rose's kid.

The grub is nice, you guess. She's an oliveblood ("green blood"), with short horns that end on a brusque angle, which ends up looking a bit like the shape of a purrbeast's ears. Her hair are often braided, this time in an elaborate style that must have taken hours; personality wise, she's what you would expect from a young troll on earth C. They called her Fereya.  
Everyone is always gushing on her and how ~cute~ and ~adorable~ and ~smart~ she is. Everyone loves her, even Sollux, and also she has wings and magic powers.

Alright, this last part you added in. Still, _even Sollux_ loves her.

And that's the something wrong with you. You don't like her.  
Or, to be precise, you don't care about her.

Yeah, she's a grub, the first one in your group, and so she's kind of a special case.  
Of course, she seems pretty smart, and technically, the sounds and moves she does are cute. You definitely cooed when Tavros's puppy did the same.  
But you just don't care.

She's just there, doing things, and you feel nothing. Or, well, you're mad, but not at _her_ , you're mad at yourself for being such a soulless piece of shit.  
Because you know it's wrong.  
You know you should normally feel something, _anything_ , for the kid, whether it'd be annoyance or tenderness. You just _can't_.

She can run all around if she likes, you don't care.  
She can trip and fall, you don't care.  
She can start crying, you don't care.

You still go to scoop her up when that happens, because while you weren't asked anything, you know that by going next to the girl, you became her babysitter, and Kanaya would destroy you if she sees you unmoving when her kid is obviously crying.  
You don't need people disliking you more.

Eleven trolls are suddenly surrounding you, each of them asking questions or sending worrying glances to the grub. You give her to Kanaya and explain she tripped and fell.  
Relief washes over the room, and you start to step away from the group when Kanaya tells you something.

"Thank You For Picking Her Up, Eridan."

You look at her with bemused eyes. You're... pretty sure you didn't do anything special by that.  
"I picked her up because I let her fall in the first place. You don't need to thank me for my owwn incompetence."

She simply curves her lips upwards at you. You wouldn't call that a smile, it was too quick and too small for that, but the positivity of the gesture still takes you aback.  
You decide to not dwell too much on that, and leave to sit in the garden.

The fresh air of the night hit you. This is something you never really experienced on Alternia, it was always still warm from the sun, or ridiculously cold. The temperature difference bothered you at first, but now you think you prefer the cooling earth C's nights over Alternia's.

You close the sliding door behind you as a way to separate you from the others, and walk to the small pond in the back. There, you sit on a rock and lift your head to look at the stars.  
You can recognize the Ursa Major on your left. The constellation was quite special, because not only was she already a thing in the humans universe, she also was already a thing back on Alternia. Always there. A constant between your three universes, a comforting sight that reminded you of travels far into the forest and time spent watching the stars, learning their names and positions in hope it'd be of use in a flarp game (it never did. too much light pollution near the town).

Your eyes diverge from the constellation and memories to concentrate on another group of stars.  
This time, it's the Green Skull that greets you. Otherwise known as the Page of Hope's constellation.  
You don't know what to make of Jake English. You know he met another version of you, an horrific mix between you and Sollux in one sprite, but the description he gave you of the guy doesn't sound right. "Very funny and nice"?? Either you and Sollux's negativity and assholeness canceled each other out, either Jake was very not observant. And from what you've heard of him, you lean more towards the latter.

"sup eri. watchin' the stars?"

You turn your gaze to the person who just talked.  
Roxy.

"Hey Rox," you say, making some room on your rock for the human to sit.  
Roxy happily obliges, and you give a smile at your pale cr- friend.

"Wwatchin' the stars, yes. Pronouns?"  
"she/her today"  
You nod to show you got it.  
"and you? safe or nah?"  
"I don't think they wwill bother coming here, so safe."

That's one thing you like about Rox - she always asks you if you feel safe with her using your pronouns. You're not sure _why_ exactly she bothers, since you don't want her to use it around the others, and it's pretty unlikely she'll use the third person when talking about you to you, but you like that she does it.

"which one is jake's again?" you hear Roxy asks.  
You turn her attention in the right direction and try to explain to her where it is. You're doing an awful job, and soon your friend is giggling.  
"omg eri ur so bad at this"

You smile, because yeah. You are.

It used to hurt you when Roxy was pointing your flaws. It used to hurt you when ANYONE was pointing your flaws. You still get on the defensive when most of them does, but Rox somehow managed to make you accept it and even be amused at it. You guess it's because you're friends..?

She points towards another set of stars.  
"thats the aquarius one?"  
"A part of it. In twwo days wwe'll see it full."  
She lowers her arm before talking again.  
"did you know its not the same one than on earth?"  
"So I'vve read. Not really surprising though. Only the Ursa Major stays the same, somehoww."  
"oooh i remember you said that before! you know why?"  
You can only shake your head.  
"aw too bad"

You both stay there for a moment, the silence enveloping you. Then you realize something.

"Rox, I thought you wwere supposed to be at the human party. Wwhat are you doing here?"  
Startled by the sudden break of quiet, she doesn't directly answer you.  
"rose wanted to show us somethin, so she asked me if i could go get it at her house. and since i was there i decided to say hi to my buddy"

Yeah, ok, you're smiling. It's stupid to be happy for something like that, of course Rox would say hi to you if she's there, she would do that to anyone of her friends, you're not that special. But still.

"what about u? what u doin here? the party is inside"  
She asks it with amusement in her voice; she already knows you don't like to stay too long with the others.  
"Stars are better company than them," you answer.

You look at her and, success! she's laughing.

"i bet theres more to it though. you had your 'i feel bad and the wworld must hate me' look"  
"Wwhat? Hold on, howw did you copy my double double-u?"  
"lot of patience and stubbornness. dont divert the question"  
"You didn't ask me anything."  
"i implied it"  
"No."  
"ye"

You sigh before starting a stupid 'yes-no' game that you know you will lose anyway.

"I needed to think."

She doesn't say anything, looking at you expectantly.

Should you tell her? You'd trust Rox with your life, and you already told her about your OTHER secret, the one not even Feferi knows about. She reacted well and was very supportive, assuring you it was ok, but...  
But that's not the same, isn't it? Your other secret was something you had no control over, an accident where you were the victim. It was about a wound, something too dangerous to share, that you felt ashamed to have, but only because of Alternia. Here, you... you _are_ the bad guy. You feel ashamed because you know it's actually bad, not because you know you're useless and should be culled.

Would Rox pardons you? Will she pretend it's fine but actually think you're terrible? Will you lose one of the few people who actually tolerate you? Will she tell everyone and you will be chased?? arrested??? no, it's stupid, you don't get arrested for that, but, but you definitely pay for it right? you get shoved away? rejected? tolerated but silently called a monster, and of course they should have known, remember what they did on the meteor? what he did there?? how he killed, how they killed, how- "eri!"

You stop. You blink. There's tears but also something wet and cold on your cheeks.

Roxy is crouching in front of you, both hands on your face. They're the wet and cold something, she must have put them in the water to refresh you.  
You also notice that you're now facing the garden, back turned to the pond.

"you alright?" she asks, concerned.

You nod hesitantly. You could be better.

Rox sighs and release your face.  
"you don't have to tell me if you dont want to"

The thing is you do. You _want_ to tell her, but you _can't_.  
Because she'll hate you. She'll _hate you_ , and she'll _leave you_ , and you'd be alone and god you're the worst aren't you? you're the w-

"eri. sweetie, darling dear eri. you hear me?"  
She's rubbing circles where her hands rest on your face. You think she put them in the water again, because it's as cold as when she first did it.

You look at her, blink a bit. There's a pressure on your heart, and you wish you could get rid of it before spiralling down again.  
Rox looks at you with concern, still rubbing circles. She stops the movement of one of her hands, so she can go and reach the water again. You feel the cold when her hand comes back, then the emptyness on your other cheeks when the other hand leaves for the water.  
She has to lean against you in order to reach the pond behind, and that's when you decide to do it.

You hug her.

She definitely wasn't expecting that, as she stay still for a moment.

Oh shit you fucked up.

But before you can start beating yourself about your mistake, you feel arms reaching around you, and you can't help but hug a little tighter. Rox squezes you back.

You're pretty sure Roxy will be late for her party.

After maybe five minutes of hugging in silence, you decide it's been embarrassing enough and let her go. She backs off, but still hold your hands.  
"you good?"

You nod. Still could be better, but at least you don't feel the pressure anymore.

"It's about Fereya," you start before she can say anything.  
"rose and kanaya's kid?"  
"Yes."  
"what happened?"

Once again you're reminded why you love Rox. She immediately knew what you were talking about, picking up where you both were, and she didn't immediately accuse you. Of course, she could have, because you're the one in the wrong here, but it's comforting to have someone like that around.

Your eyes are looking everywhere but her face. Then they fix on one point, and you take a breath.

"I don't care about her."

There it is.

Rox looks at you, her brows furrowed in confusion.

"what do u mean?"

Ok, maybe you should be more precise you guess.  
Roxy squeezes your hands. You thank her internally.

"Exactly wwhat I say."  
"so like, u don't like her?"  
"No, I... I don't evven don't like her. I just. I just don't care."

You look at her, and yup, she still doesn't seem to fully understand.

" By that I mean that I don't care about wwhat happens to her, wwhat she might think. It's... it's kinda like she's a sock. Or, no, a shirt. Or a stick. A rock? Wwhat I mean is that yeah, if something happened to her, it'd be annoying, but mostly because of the others. The girl herself, I, I don't... I simply don't care. You had this nice stick, really important to you, and then you broke it and you feel sad. I don't like that you're sad, but _I_ don't feel sad because for me it's just a random stick. Except here it's not a stick but a fucking grub."

You both stay silent for a moment, and you expect to feel her releasing your hands in any seconds now.  
You know you shouldn't, if she wants to leave it's her choice, but your hold on her hands tighten.

"eri..." she starts.  
You look at her. When did you start looking away?

"u hurtin my hands eri"  
You immediately releases her. She smiles at you, amused, but her eyes are sad.

You don't have the force to panick again. To think, really, even.

"thank you for telling me." A pause. "i don't think you're some kind of monster."

"But... howw? Don't tell me wwhat's happening is normal. I knoww it ain't."  
"oh yeah, it's unusual. like i don't think i've ever heard of someone not feelin anythin about a kid. but that doesn't mean you're a monster. you said it yourself, you care about everyone else. you care about me, about Rose, about Kanaya, about Karkat, about all of us"  
"All of us except the kid, apparently."  
"yeah"  
"... wwhy?"

She raises an eyebrow at you.

"Wwhy do I feel nothing for her? Fereya, I mean."  
"idk"  
"You're not helping me here."  
"look, eri. there's so much i can do. i can comfort you when you feel sad or awful, when you feel lonely or rejected; i can give you possible explanations as to why someone reacted the way they did to what you've said or done, or give you advices for what to do when you fucked up. i can also simply be the one you vent to if needed. but i also have limits. often im not sure what to tell you, but find something to say anyway. and sometimes, like now, i simply dont know the answers. i dont know why things are like that for you, and i dont think that even if i knew, i could help you with it"

Well, ok then. You look at the fireflies in the garden.

"So there's really something wwrong wwith me."  
"shrug"  
"Did you just said 'shrug'?"  
"ye"

You let escape a little laugh.

"Thanks Rox."  
"u welcome"  
A comfortable silence.

After a moment, Roxy has to go back to her party. She hugs you, then waves as she becomes one with the shadows.

You're alone.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Second part!

After a moment, Roxy has to go back to her party. She hugs you, then wave as she becomes one with the shadows. 

You're alone.  
\----------  
You walk back inside. Everyone is back at normal, as if the incident earlier never occurred, except for the fact that Kanaya is now keeping a closer eye on Fereya.

The jade notices you, and gestures you over.

"Eridan"  
"Kanaya," you answer.  
You're not sure if it amused her.

"How Was The Garden?"  
"Nice. You and Rose did a good job."  
"Well It's Jade We Mostly Should Congrats. She's The One Who Did Most Of It"  
"Oh, uh, alright."  
Are you and Kanaya really having small talk??

"So Roxy Talked With You?"  
"Howw did you knoww?"  
You start to worry Rox visit was not as genuine as she said.

"I See. So That's Why It Was Taking Her So Long To Come Back. I'll Tell Rose"

Oh, of course. Because you were such a mess, she stayed longer than expected, and it must have worried Rose, so she called Kanaya to make sure everything was alright. And Kanaya made the obvious deduction the two of you were taking a long time to talk.

You watch Kanaya as she calls Rose.  
It's really unnecessary, you think, a simple text would have been enough.

She starts talking, and you tune it out.

You look around, not really trying to register anything. Life goes on, trolls are chatting, and grubs are doing things you can't bother to figure out.  
Well, 'grubs'. Grub. There's only Fereya.

Speaking of the devil, she just fell over running. Again. She's one sweep (sorry, she's "one cyc and a half") for fuck's sake, why does she still mess up? Trolls her age wouldn't have survived like that on Alternia.  
Huh. You wonder if the peaceful climate of Earth C made it so that trolls didn't have to be able to move without tripping quickly. That could be an explanation.

As you think, you only realize your mistake too late.  
As always, the girl had everyone worried after falling, and while they may not be crowding her like before, they still took some steps in her general direction. But not you.  
You saw the girl falling, and instead of running to her you just standed there, pondering over grubs and their death. God you're such an asshole.

You decide to take some steps (better late than never), but...  
but you feel wrong doing so. you don't actually care, and you already took too long to react, what are you going to say? Sorry, I was under shock from seeing a kid fall for the second time tonight? Sorry, I was thinking how she would have been culled on Alrernia for falling over? Sorry, I don't care about her or any other wrigglers?

Oh wait.  
You stop.  
That's a new one.  
But yes, you do realize that it's not only that you don't care about Fereya, it's that you don't care for any grubs.

You need to call Rox.  
\----------  
She doesn't answer right away.

You start to get worried she won't, but then the annoying bip cut and it's her voice.

"eri?"  
"Can wwe go literally anywwhere but these stupid parties please. Sorry to bother you."  
"eri whats going on"  
"Fereya fell and I- I need to talk, I, I think I figured it out."  
"... meet me at the cute cafe"  
"Wwe wwon't go to a cat cafe. I bet it's not evven open."  
"in front of it fishface"  
"Oh yeah ok."

You hang up, and yup, everyone's staring at you.  
In their defense, from their point of view, you saw Fereya fall, didn't move, then started after everyone before stopping five steps in, turn around while taking your phone out, called someone while walking away, and then finally turn around again to look at everyone.

"I need to go. Nice party."  
You rush out the door, barely hearing Karkat telling you to wait.  
\----------  
You walk for ten minutes, and arrive in front of the cat cafe. Expectingly, the blinds were closed and the lights off. The pink of the storefront wasn't as nice in the night. Kinda scary, even.  
You usually like the streets of Seelftown, because the small village was mostly diurne, and only had few and discreet streetlights, allowing you to see the night sky. But tonight, maybe because of what happened, the place feels eerie to you. Especially this damn cat cafe.

It feels like the big white purrbeast painted on the board is looking at you, ready to jump on its prey. Instinctively, you reach for Ahab Crossair, only to find emptiness.

_Where the fuck is Rox?_

You keep staring. The purrbeast is as unmoving as you, and it's stressing you out.  
_Of course it won't move, dumbass, it's paint._  
Still.

"what did this guy do to u"

You jump and turn to Roxy.

"Please never do that again."  
"hehe ok"

She offers her hand and you look at it without moving.  
"eri u supposed to take my hand"  
"Oh right."

You grab the hand. Darkness surrenders you, and you concentrate on Rox grasp. She tightens it for you.

"ta-da~!"

You recognize the hive near the lake, with its violet curfews and painted white bricks, its little boat hanging on top of the door, that many called cheesy.  
Its *your* hive, and you're not sure if you are actually relieved or not.

Rox doesn't wait for your qualms, and go right in. Thank you spare keys.  
You follow, and there she is, already waiting on the couch.

You walk to her, and sit on the ground so she can play with your hair.

"safe?" she asks.  
"Yes."

With a hum, she starts entangling your hair, fingers running through them. When she is done (which doesn't take long, since you pride yourself in how well kept this thing is), she divides a small part of it in three sections, and start to make a small braid.

There's silence, where you both appreciate the moment. You even forget your current problem for a minute.  
But Rox doesn't. 

"so what did you want to talk about?"

You don't answer, not right away. You let another braid be done.

"I figure out wwhat is my problem wwith Fereya."  
She doesn't say anything, but you know she is giving you a questioning face.  
"I don't havve a problem wwith Fereya. I havve a problem wwith evvery grubs."  
Still nothing from your friend, but her fingers stopped for a second, and are more careful now.  
"I'm still not sure _wwhy_ exactly, but I think it's genetic to help wwith the Orphaner's job."  
Her fingers stop again.  
"what."  
"You knoww, the thing I wwas doing for Feferi?"  
"i think you mentioned that before. how exactly would you not caring for grubs play an important part in this job and how would it even be genetic?"  
"Wwell, you knoww. My ancestor wwas the first Orphaner, so..."  
"it aint because your ancestor was doing a job that his genetic could change to fit it. or like i never heard about trolls doing that"

You scoff. She doesn't understand.

"T'wwas a theory, ok? And he could havve been the first Orphaner because of that, like I wwas able to be Orphaner because of it."  
"ok, ok. what about my other question though?"  
She's still breading your hair, but it feels even more precaucious than before, as if she was scared that messing up would upset you.  
"Wwhat other question?"  
"why not caring about grubs would help you with this job. you never explained to me what it was about."  
"... alright so. You knoww Feferi's lusus?"  
"glubglub, right?"  
"Close enough. Wwel, she needed to be fed daily, because if she got hungry, she wwould release the Vvast Glub."  
"the wast glub?"  
"Rox please."  
"s'rry"

At least she started being more carefree in her braiding work again. Good, that helps you to relax and make the actual explanation.

"The Vvast Glub wwould basically kill all of trollkind, so in no wway wwe could let her do it."  
"oh"  
"Yeah. The thing is, Gl'bgolyb wwas one of these nightmare lusii that wwon't feed on store lusii food, like Vvriska's one, and so she only fed on lusii. So wwhen the thing is small, it wworks, but wwhen it's a huge monster, wwho's apparently an horrorterror? it needs more care. That's wwhat an Orphaner do, they go and kill lusii to feed Gl'bgolyb. And I mean, you kill a troll's parent, wwhich can already be pretty dangerous for the troll if they ain't discreet enough, but wwhen its charge wwas a grub? You basically kill the kid too. And I think that the fact I can't care about grubs is wwhat made it easier for me, like, I wwas really made for the job."

This time, Rox stops completely. You feel the hair she was breading fall, and you realize you've entered serious mode.

"Eri, that's awful."  
"Wwell, that's normal Alternia for you."

It's strange. You feel kinda hurt by what Rox just said, but there's a sort of detachment in you, an emptyness that makes you not care.

"No, I mean... you said you started doing this thing for Feferi at four sweeps, right?"  
"Four sweeps and one perigee."  
"Yeah, that."

Silence.

"Eri... I don't think you were born not caring."  
"Wwhat?"

You finally turn to see her face, and you know her expression would crush you if it wasn't for your general disinterest. She looks so... _sad_.

"You were four sweeps. Eight years old. And youve been given a weapon to kill lusii with, every day. You knew what would happen to the troll they raised once dead."

What can you say? She's only stating the facts.  
Your lack of answer makes her face shift into a more upset vision.

"You were a kid, a _grub_. And you had to kill other grubs' lusii, daily, or everyone, you included, would die. That's fucked up."  
"That's my job."

You're not even angry when answering. It's just how it is. Why is Roxy getting so worked up over it?  
Your friend locks eyes with you, evidently worried.

"You're too calm about this."  
"Meh. I just don't see wwhy it's so wweird to you. That's howw it is -or wwas-. I could do the job so I did it."  
She studies you. This is getting mildly uncomfortable.  
"So you don't care?"

Oh. Yes, you don't care. It's exactly like...

"It's like wwith Fereya," you say, matter of factly.  
"Thats what I thought."  
"Guess I wwas really born for that, huh?"

Your attempt at a joke doesn't work, and Roxy's face stays serious. Oh well.

"Eri, again. I dont think you were born like that."

You still don't understand.

She inspires. Expires.

"Its not that you were born not caring and then it helped you to become Orphaner, it's that not caring was the only way for you to be an Orphaner."

What..?

"Ok so, psychology is more Rose thing, but... I think its the Orphaner job that made you not caring, because it was the only way for you to deal with what you had to do."

what.

_What._

Your barrier of indifference breaks.

_no. no no no nonope. nope. that can't fucking be._  
Is she really saying that the Orphaner thing fucked you up? no, that's stupid. Why would it have done that? You were just doing a job, _your_ job, the one made specifically for you, by your ancestor, how could it have done that? It was just that, a job, so how could it have...? You mean, ok you killed lusii and kinda other trolls your age too, but everyone did that, and yeah maybe not every day, but it's not as if it was making you feel bad... oh god oh wow ok no THAT'S fucked up, of course it should have made you feel bad, guess you really didn't care huh? but to say that it wasnt because of you but the orphaner....

Made sense.

It makes way too much fucking sense.

You look at Roxy, who was started to get worried by your lack of reactions. You're ok, you promise.

"Rox... shit i think youre right."  
She gives you a small smile.  
"Yeah..."  
Se hesitates.

"Hey, eri. you remember when we talked about a therapist?"

You nod. You remember. She had told you her and most of the humans agreed to try seeing a therapist once. It was a whole load of work, trying to find different people that could be trusted with the gods as their client.  
Rox had offered you to go meet one too, to help with some of your problems, or just talk about things you wouldn't want to tell her. You refused. You didn't want a stranger to probe into your life, learning about the bad shit you did and judging you too. You also felt like you were doing better.

"i know you said no before, but... we didnt know about that part with the orphaner work. and i dont have any idea how to change this, if its even possible. or if you even want to, actual-"  
"I do."

You're surprised yourself.

"I don't wwant to keep on seeing Fereya and not care. I wwant to be able to understand wwhat evveryone else feels like. I don't... I don't wwant her to be just a stick anymore, Rox."

She smiles at you, and you feel already way much safer with this whole discussion.

"well, then... as i was saying, i dont know how you change that. and i dont know a lot of stuff to help you in the first place. ill always be there for you, but you need to help me a bit for that, ok?"

You understand.  
"You wwant me to see a therapist."  
"Yes."  
"..."

You don't know why you hesitate. Roxy is right, you _should_ go see someone, but a part of you is... scared, you'd say?

"its ok to admit you need help. professional one included"

...  
You look at her, and there she is, in all her niceness. You can't help but smile.

"I promise I'll try."  
"good enough. if you need moral support im here. i can help you take the appointment too if u need."  
"Thank you Rox. You're amazing."  
"u pretty great too fishy kid"

You let a small laugh escapes.

Maybe, just maybe, you'll be fine.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok so basically, I just wanted to share the thought "What if being an orphaner made eridan insensitive to grubs?", and look at it now, it turned into this!  
> \----  
> There will be one more story that shares another eridan headcanon, this time an actual os that I just need to reread and edit. I think I'll make at least one other thing, not a story but a work that shares headcanons about how seadwellers work, and mutations and blood color.

**Author's Note:**

> important note: I never had the "Eridan likes to look a the stars and memorized the constellations for flarp" headcanon until I wrote it.
> 
> Another important note: I can't help but laugh every time I read Eridan stick dialogue and I'm ashamed


End file.
